A Cancerous Effect
by alyssacullenforever27
Summary: What if while Edward was gone, Bella had gotten sick with a life threataning disease? What would Edward's reaction be? Would he change her into the 'monster' he never wanted her to be in order to keep his love alive? BPOV. RATED T.
1. The Sickness

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.

I had been in the hospital a week now.

This white, antagonizing place had contained me for seven whole days now and I had a strong feeling this wouldn't be the end of those neverending days. I hated this place. Though the cold air was comforting and sweet, the loathsome smell and uncomfortable feelings you get while here make it absolutely excrutiating.

This whole mess started about three weeks ago. Lately I had been feeling drained of energy. At first I thought it was only because of all the extra schoolwork I was doing. Not getting too much sleep. Just school all the time. So I started getting more sleep at night, stopped the work overload. But I noticed it wasn't helping and in addition to my wearniess my joints began to hurt. The first few days it was only a bit uncomfortable but after trying to work it off it came to a terrible pain all throughout my body. After that, I resulted in going to the doctor. He asked me if there were any known diseases in my family. Alzheimers, Cancer Etc. The answer was no, as far as I knew. And as far as I knew would have to do because there was no way I was going to Charlie with this for unnecessary reasons. I would only tell him anything if there were actually something wrong with me. He doesn't need to be worrying about me. The doctor had put me on a medication, a type of "advanced Advil" he'd called it. It was to help me sleep at night, calm my muscles and all that good stuff. I had to say, it was difficult to be in a room with a doctor, because doctors always reminded me of Carlisle Cullen, his adoptive father.

The medication didn't help. I was warned at the doctor that if this were the case, my condition was most likely serious. What I did after realizing the medicine wasn't working was nonsuprisingly stupid of me. I simply ignored it. I didn't believe that I was sickly girl. It was probably just stress and unresolved issues that medicine couldn't prevent or help, these were the irrational thoughts going through my head. I went on with school, cooking for Charlie, my so called life with the aching pains. But I never complained, nor went back to the doctor. After almost a week of that, I collapsed on my bathroom floor. When Charlie rushed me to the hospital, he believed I had over-dosed on a sleeping pill of some type. He knew I was unhappy and had the theory of depression lurking through my body. I felt so bad when I heard he thought I was trying to kill myself. I was unhappy, it was true. But it was nothing Charlie had caused. It pained me so deeply to even think he though that I would kill myself because of something he did. Mostly because it wasn't something HE did.

This hospital has grown so tired in the past week. I hated this. I hated all of it. I wanted to go away from this place. With these all flaky painted bright white walls and the disgusting smells, and not being able to so much as slightly move without a seering pain flowing through my blood stream. I wanted to leave here. So bad. But as I lay steadily in my hospital bed, watching the dreaded white walls close in on me; I realized this suspense and torcher would all end soon enough. I would find out what exactly what the matter was with me today. After a hand full of tests and taking blood and Xrays, I would finally figure out what this horrible thing was flowing inside of me. This was suprisingly relieving. To know what IT was that was killing me. I was no more in denial. I was dying. It was clear to me. It was clear to me every time I moved. Every time I felt that pain. I was going to die and I wanted to know what was killing me.

Ironically, just then my doctor strode into the hospital room. Dr. Roberts, he said his name was. Though I supposed it didn't matter. I never called him by name. It was usually "You" or "Doctor". Dr. Roberts had a concerned face on as he made his way to my not-so-home-like hospital bed. His face made me nervous. This doctor was usually so bubbly and full of life. And I couldn't help but fear his troubles reguarded my test results.

"Bella," he said, his face struggling to stay plain, or perhaps some type of disturbed happiness.

But it wasn't working. Something was wrong. It was absolute. "I have your test results," he continued, biting his lip and pausing at the end.

I couldn't take it. This was my fate. To hell with dramatic effect and pausings! I wanted to know what it was that was killing me!

"And.." I prompted, impatient and rudely.

But he didn't seem to mind the rudeness. I would be one to think that anyone would be a bit cranky if they were going to be burried six feet under at eighteen. He frowned, and with a clear of the throat continued.

"Bella, I don't know how this is possible. You say this illness doesn't come from your family and before this you were as healthy as a horse.." He paused again, looking down.

I saw sadness and his eyes and it made me sad too. Not really that I was dying. That didn't bother me much, mostly because I had nothing to live for. But it made me sad that this doctor, a stranger; was sad for my life.

"Doctor, please continue.." I said again. I was suprised by how calm I sounded. How calm I actually felt. How much I didn't care.

"You have cancer, Bella." Dr. Roberts finished in a terrified tone before turning his back to me and slowly walking out of the room. 


	2. The Dream

For about ten minutes, I layed there. I stared up at the blank cieling, just staring. I doubt that there was any remote brain activity in those minutes. I just stared. I didn't wonder about my fate or really care anymore. I knew I was dying. And I knew what was killing me. And it didn't bother me because I had nothing to live for. I knew that sounded selfish, reguarding Charlie and Renee. But they really didn't me all that much anymore. Renee had Phil. And Charlie was just fine without me before I ever moved to Forks. I didn't know what I was to do. I knew I was dying. But what was I to do until then? Just lay here? It took months, sometimes years; for cancer to kill. I didn't want this torterous source flowing through my veins in the mean time. I wished it would kill me now. Right now. I wish this murderous disease inside would take me away from all of this horrible nonsense people call the human life.

With my brain unfunctioned, and my body relaxed, eventually I drifted off to sleep. I was immediately out of the white room and in a new room full of dark and nothingness. To most people, this would be quite disturbing. But with my horrible surroundings of white, this blackness was actually quite comforting. Suddenly, a being emerged from the darkness. A wonderful, angelic being that part of me was in love with and part of me hated. But sure enough, as he walked towards me, I felt myself smile. He was not smiling though. The look on his face was grim and quite sad. It hurt my heart. This amazing person shouldn't be sad, not ever. Edward's eyes were to the ground. He didn't seem to want to look at me. This hurt my heart even more. By the look of his jaw, his teeth were clenched and he was fighting off some anger that was inevitable to fight off. After a few moments of silence, he looked up. His eyes told me a story. A terrible, disturbing, confusing story that I didn't have much desire to hear. Then his lips slightly parted and he spoke. "You don't.." he seemed at a loss for words. His eyes drifted back to the ground, and I could see his pain... feel his pain. "You don't have much time, do you?" he asked in the most heartbreaking tone I would have though imaginable. I only nodded, feeling as if I wanted to cry. The look on Edward's face , his tone, everything that made him sad; caused this feeling. In reaction to my words, he winced in a pain that I had never experienced before. Wrong. I had experienced a pain like this before. But his pain seemed so much more expressive. So much deeper.

After a few fragile breaths for air that broke my heart, he looked up and his ice-cold hand across my cheek. His touch on my skin was the most amazing feeling. A feeling I thought I would never experience began to breathe heavily again. Since vampires couldn't produce any actual tears, I would imagine this was how they wept. Realizing that he was not only shocked, but crying caused tears to form in my large brown eyes, that didn't leave his image. Seeing my tears, he brought me closer, into his cold, hard chest. I buried my face in his shirt, trying to hold back the oncoming tears. After feeling I had won control over my powerful tears, I pulled slightly away from him so that I could see his face. His beautiful angelic face was crumpled in worry. He also had gotten control of the crying though now he looked just as sad. But just as I got a meer glimpse of his face, he placed his hand against my hair and brought my face back to be buried into his chest. I got the impression that he didn't want me to notice his pain.

"Are you... scared?" his wonderful voice broke at the end, causing a shutter to race up my spine. I took a deep breath and shook my head. I realized that multiple tears were streaming down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away and murmured the quick and hard words. "I don't.. I'm not sure yet..." He nodded, his hands tugging through my messy hair. I couldn't help but smile when I had the revelation that I was actually in my true loves arms again. I was here with him. Nothing else mattered. But as the smile came to place on my face, I felt him jerk forward, obviously in pain. He fell to the floor, gasping for air again; wincing and screaming. I dropped to the floor with him; both alarmed and terrified. "Edward!" I screamed at him, grabbing at his body; wanting to sotp the pain. But he pulled away and looked up at me, with his teeth clenched and his eyes fierce. "No.." he said and then the sweet darkness was over. The light was back and so was I. I was back to reality. I was back in this cruel reality. I was back to having cancer. I was back in this hospital that was driving me crazy but the hardest part of being back was that it took him away from me. Again. 


	3. Could It Be?

I awoke realizing it was 10:30 now. It had been around 4:00 when I had fallen asleep. Oh, how I wish that dream could have lasted six hours to me. Six hours in his arms would be amazing. I would do anything for it. But that would never happen. Never again. Ever since Edward left me, everything I had wanted and hoped for had been shattered. But I didn't want to dwell on bad memories. My mind's main concern was the fact that I dreamed of Edward. I had wiped my life clean of him. I didn't dream or think of him anymore. I didn't want to. It hurt too much. I hadn't dreamed of anything relating to Edward Cullen in over a month. I was in progress and this dream had ruined it all.

This dream was particuarly strange. For when I dreamed of Edward, it was usually our last moments together, him explaining he didn't want me and then the piercing image of him walking away from me. He never once touched me in my dreams. My self concious at least knew that much, what would hurt me. I wouldn't have this dream. Edward had been the farthest thing from my thoughts and I don't recall thinking of him for maybe a month now. How could and why would I have this dream now? It made no sense what so ever.

After coming to the conclusion of my dream making no sense, my mind started to wander. This was never particuarly a good thing. Mostly because my mind went strange places not reguarding my permission. That was the only excuse for what I was about to come up with. Though my theory didn't explain every aspect of my dream, for instance, why he was in such pain towards the end; but it did explain quite a bit. After what seemed to be dozens of hours of thinking and ruling out possibilities, I came to the idea that Edward may have contacted her in her dream.

It sounded absurd. Completely and utterly absurd. But for some odd reason, I couldn't help but shake the feeling that I was right. That I just needed to convince myself. But this idea didn't really bring more answers than it did questions. For instance, why would he contact me? Would he even care if he knew of my sickness? What is your problem stupid girl? Of course he would. Wouldn't he? Just because he doesn't want you doesn't mean he doesn't care. After all, he did tell you he would always love you.. IN A WAY. I groaned. Was I going insane? First of all, there was a strong chance I was just delusional and I was just making all of this up to comfort myself.

No. I didn't believe that. Something about that dream was just so real, so reminding. Comforting. It had to be him. Maybe he had some how found out about my illness. From Alice, perhaps? It was a good possibility. Maybe he had to claifify that I was dying. Would he come back though? If he knew, if he knows. Make me a vampire, maybe? No. He's probably moved on... even though it is so soon. Maybe he'll come to say goodbye? Did I even want him to? I sighed and closed my eyes. I didn't want to be doing this much thinking. Not now. It hurt to much. With horrible pain, I rolled over on my side, and wished for sleep. 


	4. The Return

I didn't dream that night. I was actually glad of that. I didn't know if I could handle another confusing dream like the one I had yesterday. I grunted unpleased, seeing the bright light all around me once again. The one good thing about sleep is that even though I may not be dreaming, there's none of this ridiculous lightings. I cautiously stretched only a few of my arm muscles to feel the pain serging through me. I winced and decided it was best to not move much. I'm so stupid. I should've known that by now. I licked my chapped lips and looked around the bright room. Same and bland as always. I smirked and then sighed. Was this going to be the last parts of my life? Was this to be the place I experience my last moments? I closed my eyes, shook my head and groaned. I didn't want to think about this. That was why I had resulted in sleep last night.

Luckily, a nurse who remained nameless to me walked in with a smile. Perfect. Someone friendly to distract me from my killer thoughts. I smiled back at her, recieving a pleasant laugh.

"Hello Ms. Swan. How are you feeling today?" she asked with a harty voice and an extra white smile.

"I'm.. okay." I answered semi-truthfully. Though I was lying partly to seem happier, the nurse looked at me highly concerned.

"Are you hurting anywhere?" she asked, coming closer to me.

I laughed lightly, with a sheepish grin. "All over?" I asked with a bit of a chuckle though the nurse didn't seem to think it was too funny.

She frowned and shook her oval-shaped head. "We'll have to do something about that, Ms. Swan. I would feel much better if you were to be comfortable here." she commented pleasantly.

This made me smile. The nurse cared too. "Thank you," I returned, keeping the smile centered on my face. "And please, call me Bella." I finished with a short laugh.

She nodded, holding her clipboard against her chest. "Okay Bella." she smiled. "And I came in here to tell you that you had a visitor.. he's waiting outside, I'll get him.."

She left the room and I heard her say to the person who I was sure had to be Charlie "You can come in now."It couldn't be Renee, after all. The nurse had said he.

I didn't hear a responding voice but I was sure Charlie just nodded or grunted softly to show her he was acknowledging what she had said. I looked down at my fists that were placed on top of my lap, I slightly traced the outline of my knuckles, being careful not to hurt myself again. I didn't hear them come in. All I heard was the nurse's throat clearing and then someone stepping out of the room, I guessed it was her. I just stared down at my fists, not particuarly wanting to face Charlie. It was my first meeting with him since we both had found out about my cancer. I wasn't sure how to word things so for a few minutes I just sat there in silence. Finally, I smiled and looked to the other side of the room, out the window; still not facing him. "Please say something," I murmured quietly with a bit of restrain. I didn't hear him moving towards me particuarly but I felt his presence moving closer. I did not look at him. Finally, he gave me what I wanted "Hello, my lamb." I gasped and looked over completely startled to see Edward Cullen's brilliant face only inches away from mine. 


	5. Explinations

For a few minutes we both just sat there, staring into each other's eyes. With the look in his, I knew I had to have been right. He looked... well not terrible, obviously since it would take hell to freeze over for him to look even close to terrible, but he did look... not good. His hair was every which way atop his head, his eyes were an extravagent color of black and the dark circles beneath his eyes were only so much as a shade lighter than his eyes. I frowned at him, though I was happy to see his face. Hell, I was more than happy. I had to be the most elated girl on the earth at that wonderous moment I saw his face and yet I was still frowning. He broke our glance a few times, but Edward's sad eyes never left my face and mine never left his. I was sure a lifetime had passed before he finally opened his mouth to say something.

"Bella," he said plainly, with a brilliant smile that didn't touch his eyes for a even a short second.

With miserable pain that I tried my hardest to keep just MY pain, I moved my right hand up to his cheek and placed it there, smiling sheepishly. I shivered involuntarily with the sting of his ice-cold skin, but I loved it. It felt amazing for his skin to be touching mine again. It was so much better than the dream, so much more brilliantly real. He placed his shiver-triggering hand atop mine and lightly smiled, though this time he felt my mere tremble and quickly placed my hand back in my lap. It was obvious he thought he had hurt me. I just shook my head, not even sure if I COULD talk yet. His eyes had found the floor. I stared at him with apology in my eyes. He placed his hand on my bed, though not quite touching me.

I wanted him to speak again, to hear his breathtaking voice that I always found comfort in. With a sigh, I slowly placed my hand over his. He squeezed it and I winced. Though he was being as gentle as possible, it still hurt. Everything hurt me. He closed his eyes with a heavy breath, and spoke the quiet words.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." I could his voice breaking and immediatelty my eyes filled with tears.

It hurt so much when I saw him troubled. It was an inexplainable pain in the lapse of your throat that you only recieved when you loved someone with all of your heart.

"No," I responded quietly. "I'm okay. I'm just fine."

He shook his head, almost frantic. He clenched his teeth and I felt a shiver go through his body. His extremely dark eyes became even blacker as he ripped his hand from my grasp. That motion set a trill through my veins that caused my hand to tremble while I fought off the erge to scream. I clamped my eyes shut tight as I took heavy breaths, struggling to remain calm. When I opened my eyes again, beginning to come down from the burning sensation; I noticed that Edward was now pacing across the room. His fists were in balls. I could see his finger nails gripping at his skin, I frowned. Seeing that I was back to somewhat normal, he stopped and looked at me apologetically.

"I apologize, Bella. I..- there's no excuse for my violent behavior, I'm sorry."

I felt my mouth turn into a hard line as some of the tears began to trickle down my hot cheeks.

"Edwar-.." but he had interupted me and became very vunlenerable on the outside and inside.

"It's just that you aren't okay, Bella. You're not. Alice called me the other day and told me she had a vision. Multiple visions, actually. She had recieved word of your cancer with the vision, watching the doctor telling you, then watching you die only a few short months later." His breathing became unsteady as a vampire did when they wept.

I tried to move towards him in an attempt to comfort, but he shook his head, perhaps thinking he would hurt me again. Then he continued.

"I'm sorry, my love. I had to come. I know I promised you I'd leave you and never return but I couldn't let you... I couldn't.."

I knew what he was trying to say. He couldn't let me die without saying goodbye. I had wished for a miracle like this but there was no idea in my mind it would so painful for the both of us. I was watching my feet now, too afraid to look at him for I wasn't sure if it was in my best interest to see the expression on his face.

"Let me die without setting me off?" I tried finishing for him, finally meeting his eyes. Then I realized how cruel that last statement sounded. The look of betrayal on his face forced my eyes to fill with tears.

Out of habit, he moved to my side. "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He layed his head down ever so gently on my stomach and began to weep. I wasn't exactly positive of what he was sorry of but it felt as if I understood precicely. I placed my handle atop his head and silently began to move my fingers through the strands of his hair as tears began to glide down my red cheeks. After a few minutes, he lifted his head and lightly took my hand. He placed it on his cold cheek and I smiled at him. He tried to smile back but when he saw the wince that came after moving too many of my muscles, his breath staggered and he frowned. The smile left my face.

"Edward, why did you come back? It's hurting you. And that hurts me." I questioned in a raspy, tired voice.

He took deep, troubled breaths as he heard my sad voice. He shook his head, placing a hand on my neck. His ice cold touch began to move up and down my throat as he began to explain again.

"I came because.. I love you, Bella. I left us in a bad place and I realized I couldn't leave us that way. I realized if you were going to...." I don't think he could bring himself to say the word "die".. "I couldn't leave you thinking I didn't want you. Because I do. I always will, love." I felt my heart accelerate as he bent in to kiss my forehead. I noticed the smile on his face faded for a moment as his hand almost collided with the tubes all over me while he began to trace my face.

When he kissed my forehead and traced my features, it felt like everything was alright again. Besides the fact of him leaving me and my having cancer of course. I knew everything was terribly screwed up and I also knew it would be a miracle for things to be remotely fixed. But in that instant, it felt like everything, every problem in the world, would end okay as long as Edward was close to me. 


	6. The Reunions

We hadn't talked much more the rest of the evening. Mostly, we just placed our hands on each other and tried to make all the terrible things evaporate. It was probably the best experience I had had at that disgusting hospital. It seemed that we had been together for hours and hours but it wasn't enough... it would never be enough. At about 10:00, the nurse came into my room to tell us that visiting hours were over. She was the same nurse that had brought Edward in to see me. She was obviously dazzled by him because when he insisted to stay with me for the night, she immediately agreed.

It was now 11:30 and Edward was laying on my bed with me. Actually, I was laying on him. Since everything I touched felt like a cold rock, including my bed; there wasn't much of a difference. We still weren't talking as much but when we did talk, we spoke of unimportant things that seemed better than our reality.

He kissed my earlobe, then whispered something brilliant into it. "I love you, Bella."

I smiled, and took a deep breath. "I love you.." I returned as I took his hand and kissed it softly.

My door was closed, which was something that rarely happened in the hospital but since I was in a "stable" condition, the nurse told us it was perfectly fine, while shooting a warning glance at Edward. Apparently, my "stable" condition may not be as stable as I had hoped. He smiled and looked down at me, with a wonderful twinkle in his gorgeous eyes. I was laying across his chest, feeling the most comfortable I had in months. I sighed in contentness and smiled back at him. There had been a terrible feeling creeping on me in the last few minutes. I think I was coming back to reality. Troubling questions kept trailing through my mind.

IS HE STAYING WITH YOU? DO YOU THINK MAYBE HE CAME HERE TO TURN YOU SO THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE TO LOSE YOU? WILL HE LEAVE AGAIN? IS HE GOING TO STAY WITH YOU UNTIL THE END?

Apparently, Edward caught a bit of the agonized look on my face and frowned. He brought me up farther into his lap as he sat up, with his gentlest hands as possible and looked down at me with a questioning face.

"What is it, love?" he asked concerned.

I looked up at him and sighed. "I just... I've been thinking about what you're going to do.. what I'm going to do.."

"What WE'RE going to do." he corrected me with a crooked smile that I adored.

I smiled lightly at his playful face but then sighed again as I looked down. He barely touched my skin and softly lifted my chin up so that our eyes met.

"I have been thinking of that too." he reassured me with no longer a smile on his face. He then sighed and took a unessecary deep breath in. "I want to be with you, Bella. I know that now. And I know I could save you from this fate if I turned you now.." He paused and looked away from me for a mere second then continued. "But I want to make sure it's the only option first," I nodded, and was smiling deeply on the inside. If this was our only option, I would spend forever with him. I wouldn't die from this cancer, but be with my Edward. I lightly smiled and this made him smile too. We stared into each other's eyes until I unfortuanately fell into a deep sleep in my future's arms.

*  
I awoke to both a bright sun and a bright hospital room, not to mention the lovely face staring down at me. I smiled and carefully sat up in Edward's arms. I stretched with strong caution and empowering determination as I looked at Edward.

"What time is it?" I asked with a yawn.

"8:30." He answered quickly and surely with a cocky smile.

I smiled too. It was one of his cutest faces. I sighed and layed back down to meet his chest. I snuggled up closely to him and told him with a bit of tentativness.

"Charlie is coming to visit today." I spoke soft and sweet but I could feel his stone figure stiffen beneath me.

The reunion of Charlie and Edward was most likely one not to look forward too, especially because he would bring Jacob Black, the werewolf I had befriended in Edward's absense; with him. In our long night together, I hadn't mentioned Jacob to Edward. I hadn't told him how he had become my sunshine, my bestfriend, the only good thing in my sorry life. It was just too hard to put out there. But I knew after seeing the outcome of today's events, telling Edward about Jacob would seem like the easiest thing on earth. He silently nodded and sat silent for a few minutes while he held me. Edward was most likely plotting some type of dazzle fest just for Charlie's arrival. I hesitantly looked up at him a few times, then quickly away. I should tell him. No, no. It would hurt to much. But then again, he has the right to know.. and think of how mad he'll be when Jacob comes stroding through that door... I debated with myself and Edward must have taken a break from his own planning and payed close attention to my face because he gave me the "Penny for your thoughs" look.

I sighed. Damn! Now I HAVE to tell him!! Either that or make up some lame excuse at last minute and see his "You're hiding something from me," face. Shoot, I hate that face. He kept looking down at me with that questioning expression. So finally I looked up at Edward and spoke the six little words that felt impossible to say.. "I have to tell you something." He nodded, feeling obviously pleased that I was fessing up. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to confess but just then I heard "Hey Bells! Miss me?" in a friendly tone and immediately felt as if I was the worst person who ever lived. 


	7. Stress

I just want to say thank you so much to all the positive support I've been recieving lately. I'm so new to this and to be brought in with welcome arms is much more than I could ask for. Thank you so much for all your compliments and when I feel doubtful of this story, I just skim through the positive comments I've been getting. There is so much more story to come so keep reading!! Thank you so, so, so much!

-AlyssaCullen27

Jacob froze dead in his tracks. The flowers and teddy bear he'd been holding dropped with his arms to his hips. With his unexpected arrival, I had half-flipped my whole torso to his direction, causing myself a great deal of pain, though not one that could measure up to the way I felt when I saw that look on his face. I didn't dare raise my head enough to see the look on Edward's face. He must have had so many strange assumptions running through his head. Upon the time Edward had left, it would have been completely awkward for Jacob Black to come and visit me in the hospital, especially with the insane gesture of flowers and a teddy bear. He quickly slid out from under me and looked back and forth between Jacob and me with a questioning face, almost... pain in his eyes?

Oh god, what if he thought we were TOGETHER? Ugh, there was an intense migrane forming in my head. Edward stopped his looking back and forth and sent an empowering glare at Jacob, then at me. I winced involuntarily at the look on his face. I kept looking at him with a struggle to keep calm. Finally, I peeked a quick glance at Jacob, hoping his expression was.. well, I wasn't expecting understanding, but better than Edward's, perhaps?

It wasn't. Not at all. His expression was a mix between betrayal, confusion and loath. My eyes began to fill with tears. After a few more compelling looks of emotion from the both of them, I decided I couldn't stand the silence and made the regretting decision to say something.

"I can explain," I muttered quickly, in that raspy sick tone of mine. Both of them shot glares at me. I realized how lame of a statement it had been. A statement that had been used so many times of lovers who decieved? Yeah, that was nice.

Jacob moved closer to Edward, as if in a defensive movement. Edward moved forward as well. I tried getting up from my position, on the side of the hospital bed; in fear that a fight might break out between the two. My second dumb decision in.. I don't know.. maybe a minute now? I hadn't been able to walk without assistance in the majority in the week I had been here.

Despite my usual clumsiness, having weak bones due to cancer meant walking, much less trying to break out a forming fight between a vampire and a werewolf was most likely not my best interest. As I slid off the bed, in an attempt to move to the other side of the room; I twisted my ankle, falling to the cold, miserable hospital floor. "Bella," I heard Edward say with a bit of concern as he broke away from the staredown with Jacob. In a flat and pain-filled second, he was at my side; cradling me in his cold and comforting arms. He had forgotten all about Jacob for that moment, too busy holding me and muttering concerned questions in my ear. It was hard to hear them over the sirerning viciousness of what sounded of a blowhorn going off in my ear. This was in the result of moving too fast. In orders of Dr. Roberts, it was 'best if I didn't do that.' No freaking kidding.

Involuntarily, my hands moved straight to my throbbing head, causing Edward to look it over, in supposive fear I'd hit my head to hard or something or another. Jacob had moved to my side also, but with hesitance and fear. The tears that had formed in my wide eyes were now spilling down my cheeks. Edward wiped a few away, trying his best not to glare to severly at Jacob who was only a few feet away from us now, bending on his knees. As I turned slightly in curiousity towards Jacob, I most likely recieved what I deserved. The look on his face... so defeated, betrayed. It was much worse than the look before.

I looked back and forth between them, in obvious struggle of who to comfort, of what to say. Everything was so overwhelming. It felt as if my exhausted body couldn't handle it. My muscles began to ache and I wasn't even moving them. I felt my eyes begin to close with an intense will to be shut. This wasn't unordinary. With this sickness came low energy and this wasn't the first time I had overestimated my strength and drifted off into a much-needed, sweet sleep. I let my eyelids win and fell asleep in Edward's arms.

*  
Everything was so hazy. The last thing I remembered didn't please me and that must have been what kept me asleep for so long.. or maybe it was the horrible way my head had throbbed or the way my muscles had yearned to be rested. My eyes opened to a blurry picture of a glorious face staring back into my eyes. The room was not the way I had remembered it, much darker and so much more calm. He smiled at me and placed his hand on one of my feverish hot cheeks. With an attempt to sit up and embrace my darkened atmosphere, I recieved a cold; though gentle hand on my stomach pushing me back down to my cushoned pillow.

"Love, it's probably best if you not move." he explained quietly, as he moved closer to my side with a reasuring smile.

I sighed and looked around with a cautiousness not to strain myself. I turned my neck back in Edward's direction, and whispered the raspy words "What's going on? What's happened? Where's Charlie? Wasn't he coming with Jacob?"

He smiled unhappily and brushed a few stray hairs behind my ear. "Stop worrying so much, love. Charlie got held up at work. He's sorry for not coming and promises to come see you later tonight. And the doctor told me that you were so overwhelmed with so much going on. He told me that it's bad for your health to become so stressed like that." He kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry, Bella." he said with sorrow.

I smiled at him. "You have no reason to be sorry, Edward. None at all, okay?" I clarified, kissing the hand that was resting on the bed next to my head.

Suddenly, a serge of memories flashed through my throbbing head. I remembered everything that had happened in the last few seconds before I had passed out. Edward. Jacob. Oh. My. God. I shot up from my bed, for a moment forgetting of how fragile my muscles were those days. I screamed in pain and fell back to a laying position with shame. Edward inched closer to my side in a short heartbeat with a frantic panic overwhelming his expression.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, making certain that I was okay. He took deep breaths, holding me gently.

"God, Bella. You can't move like that," he coaxed softly with remorse in his tone. I nodded, acknowledging his warnings, although I knew all of this already.

"I..I..'m sorry," I explained softly. Then, looking around; questioned "Where's Jacob?"

Edward growled at the mention of Jacob's name and nodded towards the waiting room. "The nurse said that it may be too overwhelming for you if you awoke to more than one person," he explained with pain in his voice, reguarding the subject. Edward sighed and looked at me intently. He then spoke quietly and quickly. So quietly and quickly that his words were almost too difficult to make out. "Look, I need to call Alice and the family back. They've been asking about you. I'll only be a few minutes. I love you." He kissed my lips lightly and was out the door of my hospital room in only a few seconds.

I sighed, looking around the empty room. It was so hard to be alone in here, have time to think. Especially with what's just happened. Edward knew about Jacob now and Jacob knew Edward was back. I slammed my eyes shut tight. Ugh. 'Stop stressing yourself out, Bella.' I told myself silently. 'You know it's bad for you.' Ugh. It was also bad for me to think so much about this situation. I felt horrible for Jacob, but I loved Edward and there was no way anyone could change that. Besides, what did it matter to either of them? I'm dying. In a few months, I'll be nothing but a limp corpse. I won't even look like me. So what did it matter to either of them? "Jeez, Bella. Bitterness really isn't attractive." I muttered to myself under my breath. God, am I talking to myself now? Oh wow. This can't be healthy. And with fear that I was going insane, I decided it was probably best that I got some sleep. Though I had just awoken from hours of sleep, I was always exhausted so it wouldn't do any harm to me. Not only that, but I think it would be hard for me to talk to Edward right now. No, I can't talk about this. Not now. And with that simple notion, I was asleep in a few minutes. 


	8. So quickly, it crumples

**A.N.: So sorry, this took a while. I know. But I've been busy and I have other stories, also. (:**

**-Midnight Ambivalence.**

"Bella, Bella." I could hear Edward's angelic voice, trying to part me from my dreams.

"Mmm.." I mumured, shooing his soothing hand on my forehead away. I heard a chuckle in return and groaned. His cold hand continued to move across my forehead, gently. I could tell by his movements around me lately that he'd been trying his very hardest to commit each one as gentle as possible. They were so much of a change in him around me lately. I know he tried to act like everything was alright most of the time, and he was a good actor. But I could see through him. I could see how hurt he was inside and that hurt me too.

Sighing, I opened my eyes and blinked multiple times, attemtping to adjust them to the intense light shining down on my hospital room. I turned my head slightly, meeting Edward's gaze. He was sitting only a few short inches away from my bedside. He smiled at me, inching closer. I grinned back, placing an elbow beneath my back to arch me upward. With an attempted-avoided wince, I had my back against my pillow, in a somewhat sitting position. When I turned back to Edward, he was frowning. I sighed and looked around once more.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked, my memory a bit vague.

"Almost 30 hours," he returned casually. I looked at him, suprise only taking a part of me. It's true I'd been sleeping so much more than usual for I woke up exhausted. It was quite aggravating, actually. To always be tired. To always feel a yawn creeping up your throat. It made this experience all so much more difficult.

Just like it had the day before, dozens of memories suddenly flooded through my mind. Memories of my last awakening. And before that. Jacob's cold expression. The talk with Edward. But did the situation with Jacob change that? Did he still want me forever? My vision was remotely turning blurry. Though instead of passing out like I often did when my vision turned blurry, I could feel trickles of tears traveling down my cheeks.

Edward moved onto the bed with me now, though I wasn't much aware of his presence. I was too busy having a nervous breakdown. Surges of confusion and pain shot through me, hurting like an unbearable pain. An ache traced the outlining of my heart, teasingly. A lump took it's place in my throat and the tears continued to come. I couldn't see anything. I wasn't there. All I could see was a past memory that had haunted me for so long. I was in the forest. As was Edward. A vision of him walking away from me, for good, or so I thought; continued painfully trancing through my head. It was all I saw. The man I could love for eternity walking from me. _"Bella, we're leaving." "I don't want you to come with me." "I'm no good for you, Bella." "Of course I'll always love you... in a way." "You're not good for me, Bella." "It will be as if I never existed."_ His antagonizing last words to me overwhelmed every part of my body and mind. I couldn't think straight. "It will be as if I never existed." I took deep breaths, sobs breaking through my lips. I couldn't hear Edward's present coos or questionings. I couldn't hear anything aside from the horrible things said in the forest that day so many months ago. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and through my sobs, I let out a bloodcurdling scream. Then no light shown through my closed eyes.

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**Edward POV**

Quickly, though aware of her fragile state, I moved onto the bed with Bella. She appeared to be so disturbed. So horrified. I placed my arms around her, not positive that I wasn't hurting her for the sobs kept trailing on. I had no idea what this was about. We weren't fighting. I could only come to one conclusion. That the encounter with Jacob was hurting her.

"Shh, Bella. It's alright." I murmured into her hospital gown as she continued to cry into my shoulder. Her arms werent around me as mine were around her. It was as if she wasn't aknowledging my presence in the slightest. This cut me. I didn't want her angry with me. I loved her more than she could ever comprehend and hated all of this. I hated the fact that I left her in the first place. I hated this sickness. I hated that she was to be enslaved in this horrible room until she passed. I hated the way no one had been with her the majority of her time spent here. I hated everything. I hated myself for leaving her. I hated myself for not being able to take the sickness out of her and let the cancer run through my veins, rather than her beautiful, fragile ones. I hate this. Without warning, sobs broke from me as well. But I did my best to contain them. My weakness didn't need to provoke Bella's tears.

"Bella, I'm sorry." I whispered, my fingers running through her beautiful brown hair, lovingly. "I'm sorry, Bella." I continued, taking deep breaths in, in attempt of keeping my dry weeping on the inside.

"We'll fix things, with Jacob, I mean." I kept going. I just needed her to stop crying. Each sorrowful sob that escaped her, each tear fallen from her beatiful face, broke my retired heart. I couldn't stand my lovely girl in so much pain. It was too much. "You two can be together," I tried, a new thought process forming in my mind. That she was crying because she wanted Jacob with her during her last precious moments, rather than me. I was hoping to get a reaction to that one. But no. She just continued to cry aimlessly. She didn't react at all to my soothing words or comforting touch. But kept crying.

She began shaking her head, frantically, to my relief. But the relief was only momentarily, for she began to weep more. _Damnit, you've upset her further,_ a patronizing voice called from inside my mind. I held her tighter, pulling her gently into my lap.

"It's alright, my Bella." I told her, rocking her back and forth in my arms. "Anything you want." I choked out desperately. "I'll give you anything," I coaxed, meaning every word. I just didn't want her in anymore pain. I couldn't have her in anymore of this wretched hurting. I would give her anything to rid her of it completely.

This time, she responded. But perhaps, not to my notion. She broke off from the sobs momentarily and released a horrible high-pitched scream. It lasted over a terrible minute long. I held her tightly in my clasped arms, the sobs coming from within me.

A nurse broke through the door, her expression, much like mine; horrified. She made her way frantically over to Bella, asking what was wrong, yelling over her scream. I shook my head, intent on holding her close to me. And within another moment, the screaming stopped and she lay limp in my arms. Horrified that I had squeezed her to death, I quickly layed her on the bed and listened for a heartbeat. To much of my relief, there was a speeding one there. I let out more sobs and scooped her up in my arms, placing her in a comfortable position on the bed.

I turned to the nurse. "She's only passed out," I explained, relief clear in my choking voice.

The nurse shook her head in awestruck horror. Her mind was frantic. The girl. Oh God. The doctor spoke of this. To get him immediately when it happened, not if. That it depended on her life. I must get him. And suddenly, she raced out of the room, leaving me behind in panic and confusion.

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**Please, please, please, review! (:**


	9. Save Me

**Good news! I will be updating more often now. (: This story, believe it or not, is almost over. Only several more chapters to go! **

**And if you're interested in the story **_Unexpected_** then you might want to read this:**

**This story is also almost finished. There will be no sequel, but there will be a ****denouement. ALSO: I need people to start reviewing my other story: **_Something to Live for, Someone to Die for _**because I am about to start getting very, very into that story.**

**Thank you. (:**

**-Midnight Ambivalence.**

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**Edward POV**

I stared down at my love.

She appeared so fragile as they linked various tubes to her body. Though, she was sleeping, her expression was far from peaceful. She kept letting out heart-shattering yelps and it took all my power not to leap forward and wrap my arms around her. I was told to stay aback, more than a few feet away. I didn't want to interfere, but it was killing me to be left in confusion. I stood in the corner of the frantic hospital room. Doctors and nurses were running in and out of the room. They was a lot of shouting from the doctors who were commanding tasks needing done to the nurses. And all the meanwhile, my beautiful lay there, perhaps dying.

Here I was, supposedly one of the strongest creatures on this planet. I could snap a tree in half with little effort. I could run a marathon in a probable number of seconds. But I couldn't save my one true love, the only thing that matters, from dying of cancer. I had never in my existence felt so helpless. So useless. So worthless.

Just then, a small pixie rushed into the room. It was Alice. I had talked to her a few nights ago, wishing for her arrival. She gladly decided to come, excited to see Bella again, though I'm sure that what she saw now did not excite her in the least. Her eyes darted back and forth, from the limp Bella to me. Her expression was full of sorrow and suprise, her mind a bipolar race of emotions and impulses. She rushed towards me and unexpectedly threw her arms around me. I stared blankly, suprised, but quickly wrapped my arms around her as well. She could probably infer from my expression that I had needed that small ounce of comfort.

Alice pulled away, whispering "What's happening?" a bit of a trembling roll in her voice. I supressed a growl, remembrance of my own confused frustration washing over me once again. I turned back to the doctors and nurses, surrounding my Bella, trying to save her. I could save her, I realized, forgetting my helplessness for a moment. I just need them to clear the room. I just need to rid of them. I can save her. I wouldn't need medicine or any of that nonsense. If my own willpower was strong enough, I could make everything better. I could save Bella and we could spend forever together. But how? How would I get the doctors to leave? Would they? While a patient was dying? Damnit. No, that made no sense. By the way Carlisle had always spoken of his patients, I could tell that doctors built a strong bond towards their patients. They felt completly responsible for them, for their lives. This may just be impossible.

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**Bella POV**

I've gone to hell.

That's all I could conclude from what I saw of my surroundings. I was in hell. Nothing but a waste land. I'm being punished. Punished for eternity.

The land was flat and contained no trees, plants or anything green, living. It was all dirt. Hard, cracked dirt. And it continued on forever. Everywhere I returned was hard and dark. Nothing or no one was even there to join me. There was nothing. Nothing but me and the wasteland. It was already beginning to drive me mad. This place was horrifying. The voices pierced my ears with their high-pitched screams when I moved or spoke. I was on the ground, bunched into a ball, attempting to clamp my ears shut.

There were so many voices. I was so overwhelmed. The voices would yell if I objected to anything they were telling me. If I disobeyed too much, knives would cut my still fragile skin. I would bleed. And the air would sting my wounds. Every part of me ached. My head throbbed from the pressing voices screaming, then yelling, then talking and telling me to do horrible things.

My throat burned and longed for liquid to drink. But the air was so dry, so patronizing. There was nothing for me here, nothing at all. No, I snapped at myself mentally. The voices want that. They want you to believe in nothing. To lose hope of ever edging back into a better place. That's what they need you to believe. I know it's what they need. But we can't give them that. They can't recieve joy. They won't get it from me. They're evil. Slowly eating my insides, boiling my organs. My ears bled as the screamings began racing through my head. I had disobeyed by disreguarding what the voices had to say. They're angry. Good, a part of me said, victorious. The stubborn part of me enjoyed the voices agony. I, the one who had to suffer the consequences, did not. I had not the right idea of what exactly it was I was feeling at the moment. Everything was so busy. So overwhelming. So agonzing.

_You'll die here, this place will kill you. Just like it's killed so many before._ one of the voices continued, their slithering voice disturbing to my ears. I tightened my grip on the inside of my ears, begging that this would end soon.

_It won't. It won't end. Not yet, at least. You want it to end, don't you? Well.. there is one way,_ an incredulous voice began, different from the one who had spoken a moment ago. This one was the worst. It sounded so horrible, so evil.

The part of me that was tired of this, that couldn't stand anymore, spoke up. "Anything," I whispered, letting out a whimper from the sharpness I felt entrancing through my arm.

Suddenly, there was a sharp object in my hand. Hestitantly, I opened my eyes, tears parting from my eyes, to see a knife resting in my right hand.

_Do it,_ whispered an intimidating voice. Then, after only a moment had passed the voice began to scream a shrill scream. _DO IT! _the voice wailed, causing my hands to grasp over my ears once again, a scream escaping my clenched teeth. _KILL YOURSELF! END THIS TORCHUR! LEAVE US, ONCE AND FOR ALL! _it continued on, the shrillness of it's voice rising, each moment that passed. My screams backgrounded this mysterious voices. The shadows that were the sky began to darken, coming in closer. I felt as if they came any closer I would suffocate. I was trapped, left for dead. No hope, nor faith. But wasn't that what hell was? Did I bring myself to this?

I tightened my grasp on the knife, resting next to my head. On impulse, I brought it down quickly into my stomach. The friction of movement sent a surge of pain running through my veins, but it didn't compare to the rush of anxiety coming through my whole bloodstream. The stinging of my wound, that I had dug deep into my stomach, baring my organs. Blood poured out endlessly and I screamed. I screamed and cried, embracing the pain. Embracing death. But it didn't come. I waited. I waited. But it never came. Did I deserve death?

Just when I was beginning to think that this was another part of my punishment, I felt something tingling running through my blood. Something hurtful, but oh so remember. It felt as if I were on fire. I clamped my eyes shut tight and sucked in air, clenching my fists. This was so much worse. I recalled it from another memory. One that felt as if it were from another lifetime. Remembrance suddenly took it's toll on my overwhelmed mind. _James._ Last year, when James bit me. My hand. This felt exactly like the pain that had went through my hand. Only ten times worse, because it was flowing through my whole bloodstream. This was the pain experienced when you had a vampire's venom running through your veins. When you were becoming a vampire.

But how in the world would that be possible?

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** A bit of a cliffy. Sorry, I couldn't resist! But at least I updated soon, right?**

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**

**-Midnight Ambivalence.**


	10. Eternally Yours

**BPOV**

**A/N: I'm so sorry I took so long! I've been slacking with all of my stories and I'm going to try to pick it up again xD**

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The light was there again. That annoying, bright light that was always in my eyes. It was there, once more. But this time, it was ten times brighter. The fluorescents were unbearable. My eyes snapped open alarmed, then taking notice of how the light shown so bright, they slammed back shut again.

I sat up, staying hesitant. I had no idea what was happening. Only that I enjoyed the cavernous darkness that prevaded me once my eyes were shut. Instantly, I felt arms around me. I knew it was Edward, but not from the usual unusual temperance of his arms. I didn't feel any cold. Or warm, for that matter. I didn't feel anything, only new.

"Bella," his voice was a whisper, but it was as if he was screaming it at me.

"What's going on?" I asked, through closed eyes. My voice was harmonious, almost like I was singing a song. My words were the melody.

"You don't remember?" asked Edward.

The last thing I recalled was my dream. Though I wasn't asleep, not fully. Not truly. I could still hear and was completely aware of my surroundings. The nurses frantically running in and out of my hospital room. The doctors labored cries and shouts. And Alice. She was there too. She was dry-sobbing in the corner, grasping the walls edges, viciously. A pang of sadness appeared in my heart as I replayed the vision of seeing my best friend so frightened, depressed and _angry._So unbelievably, incredibly, full of anger and bitterness. But there was something lacking in my almost-memory. There was no Edward.

Then I remembered something else. My trip to hell... I shook my head, with regret and a look of repulsion. I couldn't let myself think of that.

Hesitantly, I opened my eyes, needing Edward's face to fill my mind, replacing the horrible stench of my own personal hell. I looked around and took in the bright surroundings. The glare of the light made me squint. Edward was hugging me, but I could still see his much needed appearance. His beautiful eyes twinkled in the fluorescence.

"I remember," I admitted quietly. I bit my lip. But there was something strange about the feeling it gave me, because there was no feeling. Usually, as I bit down, I could at least feel a slight pressure. But there was nothing there. I bit down harder. Nothing. I shook my head, believing that the doctors had had to perform a surgical procedure of some type and that's why I felt numb. Although, I knew hardly anything about medical and surgical facts, that didn't add up. "But I..." I shook my head again, frowning. "I don't know what happened... If that makes sense."

"I thought you'd be happy." He smiled.

My brow furrowed. I shot him a look of confusion. "What?" I asked, closing my eyes again. Everything seemed so hazy. "Edward-what are you saying? Please." I shook my head and inched closer to him, seeking comfort. I felt myself edging to cry out of aggravation and confusion, yet there was no moisture in my eyes. "I'm just so terribly confused."

He sighed and scooped me up into his lap. "Bella," he whispered in my ear. "Open your eyes."

I did as he said.

Before me, he offered a small compact mirror. I glanced into it, nearly flinching at my own reflection. It wasn't scary-not at all. In fact, I was ravishingly beautiful. My complexion was paler, but my skin was porcelain, perfect, as if I were a doll. My eyes were large... and a crimson color. I looked like a gorgeous monster. My hair flowed down in a wavy train. It's usual plain brown had grown slightly more auburn, shining gloriously. I gasped, bringing my hand up to touch my cheek, uncomprehendingly. I couldn't believe it. It was as if I was staring at a different girl. A beautiful, _vampire _girl.

"I'm a..." I stuttered, listening to my melodious voice more intently now.

"Vampire," Edward finished for me in a whisper.

Slowly, as I studied myself in the small mirror and realized my dream had come true, a smile spread across my face.

My teeth glowed the whitest of whites.

I turned to Edward and kissed him, gratefully.

"I've never been so relieved," I admitted, with a smile of gratitude as I pulled away. I began to give him little love-filled pecks on the lips. "Everything bad is gone," I said, taking an unecessary breath. I then began to kiss him again, loving every minute of our lips touching. "The cancer... Mortality... You being gone..." I said, between kisses, smiling at him. "We can finally be together," I realized, enlightened with joy.

"For eternity." He finished, gazing up at me, with a smile.

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**FINNNNNNNNN! xD**

**Sorry the last chapter is so short. (:**

**Okeyyy. And I had an idea, also.**

**If you think there should be a sequel to this story, leave a review or send me a message.**

**Because I already have a few ideas, and yes, they include the oh-so-ravishing Jacob Black!**

**REVIEWS=LOVE. (:**

**And I also wanted to say: Thank you so much for all the reviews and support. I've had so much fun writing this story. It was my first fanfiction ever and is sorta/kinda my baby. :D**

***tear,tear.***

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